We Have A New Mustache Leading Chicago Police And It's Downright Glorious

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You probably heard by now because I blogged it this week:

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But Eddie Johnson, Chicago's #1 cop, was forced to retire. It was an ugly scene with lots to address in a second. For now, I want to focus on the majesty behind our new #1 mustache at the CPD

Straight off the plane from LA, Charlie Beck knows he has to win over the locals and he knows he does that with a power push-broom mustache. And honestly we couldn't ask for it at a better time after losing Eddie Johnson's mustache to deep pours of vodka at Ceres Cafe and some baseline adult male horniness:

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I was wrong though. I thought he pulled over to JJO ("just jerkoff" for you youngsters at home) but instead it was just him posting up at a couple Loop bars with a woman not his wife. And for those reasons Lori Lightfoot decided to throw the biggest fucking party in the universe this week while forcing him out. 

There's bigger issues at hand but again I want to focus back to the mustache we're gonna rely on to get us through it. Do I love the circumstances? No. But when you think Chicago leadership, you think upper lip hair. And for those reasons I'm in on Charlie Beck.